Joy, and Lack Thereof...

Has anyone ever just completely and totally sucked the joy out of something for you? Well, that's how I have been feeling the past few days.

I love my blog, it's a place that I know that (most) everyone who reads will accept me, listen to me, sympathize with me, and offer advice. It's where I write when I am happy, sad, excited, nervous. It is my diary and my stomping ground. Recently, I have been trying to create more traffic, so I've needed to be more consistent in posting. And it's taken it's toll, but not on me. I'm still loving it.

But now, personal things are beginning to crumble. And as a result, I just haven't been able to get my "groove" back. Nothing that I have been writing seems "fun." And I know that's probably just me, and my new thought process. But, it's really hindering me from enjoying the one thing that I really love to do.

I know this is all very vague, and you probably won't really understand what's going on, but bare with me everyone, while I try to get back the one thing that is truly 100% for ME and no one else.

Why CAN'T we have our cake and eat it too? HUH? Why is that so hard/unfair?

End rant.

Big Bad Google Business

I am very sad. I heard some afwul news last night that I feel like I need to share with you.

Picnik is closing.

I am devastated! Everything that you see here on this blog: my header, social buttons, label images, even my signature, was created on Picnik. Even the collages that I make for each of Natalie's montly photos is made on this website, and they are KILLING it on April 19th!

What am I going to do??

Apparently, they are working on moving it to Google +, but honestly it doesn't look like they are going to be keeping all of the options that were available. And I definately did not see any collage options or even all the basic stickers on there yet.

And speaking of Google +, I am actually quite upset that they are basically a Facebook ripoff! Same essential layout, and same essential ways of naviagation, only not stylish at all! I'm very disappointed that they are closing programs that we love, all to promote their version of "facebook." Not cool.

And as far as "the bright side", well, apparently I get my $25 bucks back. Um, not really. See the debit card attached to my account is not active any longer, so I don't know if that money will actually come to me or not. We are told to "contact our banks" to find out if we can get it back or not.

And they decided to "soften the blow" by offering the premium options to ALL picnik users until the site closes down: just long enough to make everyone love the premium features before YANKING them away from us!

All in all, I think that this is a BIG mistake on the part of Google, and unless they move ALL of the options over to Google +, I will be researching another photo editing site to use, and I may be deleting my Google + account as well.

Smooth move Google, this is just bad business, and you have managed to piss off a lot of people with your antics this time!

If you love and use Picnik and want it to stick around, follow this link and sign the petition!

Today I was supposed to...

Today, I was supposed to share with you my finished family binder project. Well, it's not finished. So, I will be moving the deadline back one month. I WILL have it done by December 14th! (Four Tuesdays from now, or is it five? ::shrugs::)

Today, I was supposed to rock my new skinny jeans and boots to dinner with Hubby and his mom. But, I could not find anyone to work. So I am stuck working for two hours, not making any money, having to do sidework, and wasting my precious family dinner time. Outback sucks.

Today, I was supposed to do alot of things. And now I don't want to do any of them.

I suck at being pregnant...

Well, it is now Wednesday. I am still here, and Natalie is still NOT here. I suppose that is a good thing. She needs to be cooking for as long as possible. Part of me is happy that she is still in my belly getting the nutrients she needs and growing like she needs to be. BUT, part of me is sick and tired.

SICK. and. TIRED.

Tired of sitting on my bum, (it hurts) tired of the useless contractions that I experience about once an hour, (it HURTS) tired of how being in this bed makes my whole body sore: legs, back, sholders. (IT HURTS) I know, I KNOW, I sound like a whiny baby myself, but part of me just wants her to GET HERE already. (or at least make up her mind if she's going to get here or not - so these darn contractions either MEAN something or GO AWAY) Part of me wants to be done with this whole mess and be able to hold my baby girl in my arms, seven weeks early or not. A big part of me just wants to go HOME, and not be stuck in this damn hospital where I don't get to see my pets or my family whenever I want. I want to get it over with and heal and get back to work, and get my little girl home and get her and me back on a NORMAL schedule and get back to my LIFE!

I suck at waiting. I suck at being bored. I suck at being pregnant.

Wow. Just Wow.

So, this past wednesday I had to go to Manassas for a continuing education course that was being offered. I have a friend that I met on the knot.com, Ida, who met up with me for lunch afterwards and man did we have alot of fun, and that is an understatement! The lunch was fun, and we got to know each other and had a great time! Then, it was time to leave, and I couldn't find my keys - I freaked out. Oh no, I left them in the car. I even said to myself before I got out of the car to go in to the restaurant, "DON'T leave your keys in the car, Rachael!" But did I listen? NOOOOO. So the next fourty - fifty minutes (I'm not sure how long) Ida's fiance and his best friend (followed by a random homeless looking guy) tried to use a coat hanger, a wooden wedge, and a stick to get my car door open, until a fourth guy finally came over with a slim jim and managed to push the button on my automatic locks to get it open! It was embarrassing, but it's a funny story that Ida and I can relive every time we get together now! Here is a picture of us at my car waiting for Josh to come with the coat hanger and wedge.

So, the next day I come to find out that the credits for that class were only valid in MD, and DC - not in WV. So I went to the class for nothing, got my keys locked in my car for nothing! PLUS, (warning: irony coming at you full steam) I realized last night that I have an extra key in my purse, it's just not where I thought to look at the time.

MAJOR FML.

So, that was this weeks adventure. Stay tuned, I'm sure I'll do some other rediculously stupid thing in no time.

Oh, and totally off subject but AWESOME, my nephew is officially walking! =)

Day Zero Update (six weeks)

Today is day 43/1,001, (week 6) and nothing too terribly much has changed this past week. I polished off another Twilight series book, and a person who I waited on last week was very sweet and left the book he was reading for me, because I told him how much of a reading nerd I was. I think I am really going to enjoy it, he said it was an FBI type book where the main character has to find an assasin (kinda like CSI-ish I guess) and I am totally into that kind of stuff, so I think I'm going to read that next. The book is called Mortal Prey by John Sanford. After that I will read the newest book in Fern Michaels' Sisterhood Series entitled Razor Sharp, and then I will read the final (and my favorite) book of the Twilight Series. So that should keep me occupied on books well into November.

So, I am horrible at making promises to myself and have not sent out the thank you cards yet. I am going to do them tomorrow, and will post proof. It should only take me about an hour, because there is only like twenty of them.

I also purchased my page protectors for my cookbook today, so I can start printing off my recipes! YAY! =) Can't wait to get them done so I can take pictures and show you!

I think I am going to switch the new dinner thing back to once a month, I thought I could do once a week but it is proving to be quite difficult with the new schedule that I have, and the fact that I can't find recipes fast enough. Plus Hubby has already requested tuna cakes AGAIN! He loves them! They are definitely becoming a staple in our dinner routine, and I am thankful for that because it gets us away from evil Hamburger Helper. =)

We ordered our tickets yesterday for the KISS concert for Hubby's birthday! We're both really stoked. And also the end of this month there is a Paramore concert that if it is in the budget we are going to go to that one too! I really hope we can afford it because I would love to see this tour, the new album is GREAT! Only two songs that I skip over, and if I'm in the right mood, I will still listen to them. If you haven't listened to it, BUY it. I guarantee you will be a fan afterwards.

I found out today that another couple that Hubby and I went to school with is expecting a child. I am so jealous of all of them. They all have houses and good jobs and nice cars and a family on the way, and here we are still renting a sh*thole bottom half of an ancient house with a crappy landlord who never fixes anything, have crappy jobs - one of us just getting cut to part time and having to go back to serving on the weekends, and one of us in danger of his store shutting down and losing his job altogether, and almost not being able to feed ourselves and our pets on a weekly basis, because of the lack of extra money from all of the bills we have to pay just to keep our heads above water. I feel so helpless. Hubby and I want a baby very badly, but I don't want to bring a child into this world yet, if we're not sure if we can even buy diapers right now. I mean I could cut corners whatever way we need to (cloth diapers, breastfeeding if I can that kind of stuff) but still, babies grow out of clothes quickly, and yes we would get alot of help, but it would still be very hard, and we are not stable enough to even get a homeowners loan, so I know we need to wait. We don't have very long to wait I don't think, because our credit scores are ALMOST good enough. We will try again next summer, hopefully by then our situation will have improved.

Okay journal entry over. If you made it through that I applaud you. I am in a very sour mood tonight. Hopefully I will feel better in the morning.

Moving? Or not...

So, I went on my interview yesterday, and everything went really well! I am excited to start there, and I think I am going to fit in really well into their little group. I am also excited because it sounds like the place REALLY picks up for the football games, so it SOUNDS like it's going to be really busy and that I'm going to be making pretty decent money! I start Friday morning at 10:30, and if she thinks I can handle it, I am going to stay that evening and take tables! Yay for instant money in my pocket without the wait for training!! Woohoo! It sounds like it's going to be super easy too. Touch screen ordering system, rotation based serving situation with 3 people (that includes myself = good amount of tables) and pretty much a laid back fun atmosphere with pizza, subs and beer paired with football and fun! I can't wait to start.

Also, we went house hunting yesterday, and I have to say that we saw ALOT of cute mobile homes. Some we know were out of our price range, but some we think we can swing, and I'm excited to see if we get approved. We're putting an offer on this cute little place with a ramp on the front porch for Hubby (he has bad knees) an AWESOME kitchen with a DISHWASHER for me. (I'm a simple gal, but I HATE doing dishes) It came with appliances, had a nice sized master bedroom with a garden tub in the master bath, and two other bedrooms for our office and Hubby's "toy room" for all his collectibles. I didn't take any photos, and I am trying not to get my hopes up, because I don't think we will get approved, but we don't know unless we try. So, PLEASE say a little prayer for us that we get approved, because to live in a place we OWN instead of throw our money away on rent would be HEAVEN, and then we can get a dog =) Well, Hubby thinks so anyway!

EDIT: I just received word from our relator that our credit scores are still too low. You know what I hate? Being SO close and yet being SO far away. Hubby's credit is seriously like THIS = close to being good enough for the loan! Bad news is, we can't pay off some of his debts for a while. The good news is, is that once we do that we will probably qualify. I hope maybe this spring we can try again. I know a few things that would be really easy to get off of there, it's just a matter of getting the money to do it. It just would have been nice to be paying TOWARD something instead of throwing away 6600 dollars a year on a place that won't eventually be ours, and has all these rules about what we can do to the place and not do to it. Oh well. Back to the grind.

Fair warning...I'm going to whine.

So, it's not really a secret that Mike and I aren't sound financially. The wedding really strapped us and we SKIMPED (not that my wedding looked cheap, it just WAS cheap lol) in order to still pay our bills. Well apparently one slipped through the cracks - our storage unit.

Now, its five months later - and our stuff is gone. No letters, no phone messages, no phone CALLS, and I call to see if we can settle and he tells me he sold it about 5 days ago. We are devastated. Alot of my childhood things were in there, and his collectible transformers that they no longer make, and our spare bed and....well alot. I couldn't believe that he wouldn't leave a message, because I THINK he may have called ONCE but I didn't recognize the number because he called from his cell phone, so I didn't answer it. But STILL why would he not leave a message?

So now, he said he would contact the guy he sold my stuff to about getting it back, but he can't guarentee that we'll get everything, if ANYTHING, back.

Included was my grandmother's toy chest my mother gave to me full with my old baby stuff, blankets and my classic (antique) pooh bear lamp. I feel like crying, and I know I can't take him to court because we violated the lease agreement by not updating our address with him. BUT STILL, if he wanted his money bad enough WHY would he not leave a message? Because of his laziness our stuff is gone - I would have found a way to get him the money sooner if he had just left a message!!

I'm so depressed about this. I know it's just "stuff" but I really feel a HUGE sense of loss over this. I feel so stupid, like I can't make it out here in the "real world" because we're struggling financially, and because of that now I have lost almost half of my possessions. And I feel bad about Mike losing alot of things that were really special to him, too.

This sucks. This just.plain.sucks.

I'm going to kill a photographer....

UGH! My stupid photographer!!! Hubby just called and said that our photos came in the mail today - should be a "yay" right??? NOOOOOOOO.

The-CD-is-BLANK!!!

Are you freaking kidding me????? You would THINK, being a PROFESSIONAL, that she would check and make sure the flucking CD works before sending it to me! And now she won't answer her phone, I left a message on BOTH phone numbers and an email! I am trying VERY hard to keep it in check, because nastiness ONLY gets you so far, but I admit that my voicemails were a TAD less than nice.
I mean seriously, she SUCKED at the wedding, had to ask ME which photos I wanted instead of posing and clicking, because I SHOWED HER what I wanted and gave her photo examples to KEEP, and then this happens???

I am about to EXPLODE. She better respond or I am booking my AZZ to her house and DEMANDING my photos AND my money!!!

UGHHHHHHHHHHHH

31 days to go!

So, I have been trying to get ahold of the photographer who said she would be interested in shooting our wedding with no luck. We emailed once, and she emailed me right back, and then called and left me a voicemail and I left her one immediately after, and since then there's been no correspondance from her side. I'm worried, and if she doesn't want to do it, I wish she would just call me so I can try to find someone else. I think that if I don't get ahold of her by this coming Friday, I will have to look for someone else to shoot the wedding. I'm sad because I really liked her, but this is honestly very unprofessional of her.

Other than that, nothing big has happened lately. Mike's Nan got the decorations for the ceremony (she paid for that and for Mike's outfit as our wedding gift) and I am starting to worry that the ceremony site is going to look better than the reception site, and it's just going to look like a plain old party instead of a reception. I can't afford to buy anything great and wonderful, because I'm pretty much broke. I'm trying to envision everything without spending 5,000 big ones, and I just can't do it. We're going to have to at LEAST rent chairs from SOMEWHERE but who knows who would have chairs for 4th of July weekend at this point? Probably no one. So, then what do we do? We've asked everyone if they are willing to bring their own, but so far no one has checked yes. I'm worried there aren't going to be enough places to sit, that the place isn't going to look like a wedding reception, and that people are going to get bored and leave!! (Which isn't good since more than half are only invited to the reception because Mike wanted a SMALL ceremony!) I'm worried, and stressed. I don't know if I can pull this off.

Hair trial this weekend! Will post pics on Monday!

Say a little prayer for me ladies! 31 days left!! AHHH =)